Letter to my HOA...

..Ok, your inmeasurable patience please here.  I actually posted this blog on my space more than a month ago...BUT I am meeting with a landscaper today so I'm putting it back up!  BACK by popular demand!  Enjoy the likely relatable nonsense that follows:

My eyes just rolled back in my head...

...when I read the letter from my HOA...the HO....or rather Home Owner's Association. 
"Dear Ms. Mitchell (um, my former married name)....it has come to our attention that your lawn may not be in accordance with homeowner's association's guidline number 123.999GHB (or whatever, blah blah blah--insert redheaded attitude here).  Your lawn must be landscaped to meet homeowner's association rules and regulations.  (blah blah bladdie bladdie blah blah).  You have a considerable amount of dying vegatation (um, dead grass) on your propperty."

WAIT!  Wh-Wh-What?  Dead grass!????!  In the winter time?!  In Colorado ?!  No?   So I dialed them up.
Beep-Beep-Beep    Beep-Beep-Beep-Beep....

brrrrrrrinnnnnnnng.  "Hello _____and _____Mangement company this is Cassandra, how may I direct your call?"
"Yes, hello. I live at ________and my name is Anne Boswell and I just got this letter...and"  "Can I hold? uh, sure"
"Hello sorry to keep you waiting Ms. Mitchell...."
"Uh, It's Boswell now and I just got this letter from you all (I throw out my natural tendency to run this together with just a simply y'all when I'm talking to the natives, they don't speak Oklahoma)    and the letter states I have dead grass?"
"Yes, Yes, you do have dead grass!"
I reply "it's winter!  in Colorado!"
the HOA quips back "yes, yes, it is winter in Colorado, I sent you the letter now so you can be thinking about what you're doing to do about that dead grass you had LAST summer"
hmmmmm I think about this one for a second.  "Well, I was thinking about it too and I don't think I'll have it again this summer".
"Ms. Mitchell...."
"Boswell"  I correct.   I was planning on praying some and inviting my injun friends from Oklahoma to do a rain dance on my lawn.  ( I can say this because there is Cherokee indian in my family)
"hmmmm I see" says the HOA.  "Well anyway, let us know soon what you'll be doing Ms. Mitchell"
"BOSWELL! BOSWELL!"

Apparently, the HOA heard me just like Charlie Brown hears his teacher!  My head spins around backward and I look like that cartoon character whose eyes pop out and fire shoots out of his ears while a Wh-Wooga Wh-Wooga sound is heard.
So they just don't appreciate my natural Colorado vegatation?  You know I could invite the relatives from Oklahoma to come and park in the yard, leave my Christmas lights up year round, get a goat for the backyard so I won't have to mow and when questioned say it's a dog, it's a cross breed of a new rare dog that doesn't shed or bark.  It's very rare. 
Cue the Damn GRETCHEN WILSON!